the pain of losing someone we love

I have been weeping a lot, grieving over the pain of losing my papa. I'm literally doing nothing at home with hubby giving me huge support by doing all the house chores and feeding the kids. I would tell my father that, look, I made a right choice choosing my hubby!! 庆幸当时脑袋没有进水。Although I know he might shake his head in sigh knowing my hubby has to do all and his daughter is such lazy ass. The pain of losing him is so intense that we always wonder how he is doing at the other world. My big sis saw a big moth in her house and wondered if that's my papa's spirit. My youngest sis who is always papa's blue eyed girl felt imbalance, wondering why papa visited big sis but not her. We joke about him all the times, saying that although he had no passport, he had been a smart fella that he would ask around and get to places he wanted to go. Basically nothing could stop him. The unifi at home was registered under my sis' name and papa always lodged complaints to TM whenever the server was down. She always got email notifications from TM whenever he did so. Now we joke about her email being silent. He had been a filial son, even the trip back to my grandparents' kampung in China after grandparents passed on for nearly 15 years made him tear. So we told him to go see his parents and stay with them since we didn't burn paper house for him. I recall memories with him, he was getting vain as he aged that he requested to use facial cream and hair conditioner during his shower. My sis got my bro a Micheal Kors watch and he adored that so he had been wearing the watch most of the times. We said he was looking chic as he aged. I'm so proud of him and forever being grateful that he sacrificed and dedicated most of his time to us in his entire life, yet I'm upset that I did not serve him enough. I'm happy that he met his hiker friends in the recent years. It became a new passion in his life. Seriously, what more could we ask for when we were at that age. Maybe the only comfort I can take now is that, he did not get to worry about me because I have been such a good girl. Thanks to him, he raised me well!!