So the government reinstated the full mco across the nation. The moe extends the closure to July which means the children will continue to stay home and attend online classes. While I think the challenges are real but I just have to close eyes and can’t complain much. The fights among the children are real too, I just have to bring out the rotan. I feel bad for being moody most of the times, but I can’t help myself. The school holiday is coming to an end. My sons are hoping that this coming Monday is another school holiday because the calendar shows it’s the dumpling festival (端午节). They look forward to days without online classes so they can help themselves at home by watching tv and playing at the paddling pool whole day. Although it’s a school holiday, Xin Yi still has to attend online classes from 830-1200. I sit beside her listening to her teachers and I feel myself deserve a pat on my shoulder. This mco is indeed very depressing when everyone is confined at home. There are families who don’t have enough at this trying time when the economy is bad. Let’s hope for a better tomorrow…
Anxiety attack
I have been having sleepless nights knowing the school holiday is coming soon. Also, I feel so ashamed to say it out, feeling like it’s so a repetitive thing that I keep on ranting that I’m feeling stressed at home, facing the all-time hyperactive kids. At times I feel so down that I hope I can runaway when my children are challenging my patience limits, so much so that I hope I can shut myself off from everyone. Is this a sign of depression, I don’t know. But I feel bad when I’m shouting at them but I’m also battling with the feelings that why can’t them behave better, at least be more obedient? Life is just like that I guess. Just as when the government announced the total lockdown where the kids would be having their sem break, I would be home facing them. I still have no solution, come what may, I shall just cry. Come, give me a hug.
MCO 3.0
Our country reactivates the MCO 3.0 following the spike of COVID-19 recently. The number hits 4k daily which is quite worrying to us. Browsing thru our photos taken last year when everyone was required to stay home, the new normal hasn't changed this year- we are still home. It all began when the kids started to go to school then a few new cases found where the children got it from the family members. There were some cases in Xuan and Cheng's school, including Xuan's class. The government's instruction was clear that the classes involved would be quarantined at home for 10 days and the children would study online. However, the chain effect was large because we decided to quarantine ourselves- Cheng and XY too. So, my stress level has been on the rise since then.
Since early of the year, the number of the cases has been increasing where it got hubby and me paranoid. We went for the test even for mild case of cough and sore throat. That was in January this year. Last month, I went for the second test again after I got notification on MySejahtera app being one of the casual contacts because the premise I went was visited by the COVID-19 patient on the same day, at the same time I checked-in. Similarly, Xuan also went for his swab test after the classmate tested positive.
The virus is horrific that most of us feel stressed being confined at home. While it may be a blessing in disguise for my family since I'm still on study leave, I would not know how to deal with it when I go back to work few months later.
On a side note, I have gained quite a lot of weight since the first MCO. I felt myself so heavy that I decided to do some workouts. It is one of the things that I'm proud of doing it throughout my study leave although I just get it started in February this year. I'm still lazy to make it my lifestyle and I doubt I will continue to do so when I go back to work. But wish me luck. I just have to keep going.
走过2020，迎接2021
时间基本上过得不算太快，长时间埋怨2020，MCO的新常态，让我郁闷，甚至有些时候还有点窒息。问我2020做过什么，我有点答不出来。宅在家潜水吧！难得有这种机会“相夫教子”，可是教没两下，我血压飙升了。百年一遇啊，应该好好记着跟孩子的每一分，每一秒呢！回首2020，我想起很多时候的身不由己。陪小瓜上网课从最初的新鲜感，到后来的烦躁，再到后来的好自为之，一切随缘，我算是看破了吧。陪太子读书真不容易呀，仿佛自己又回到了幼儿园、置身于小学。监督3个小瓜做功课更是难上加难了，我是一个头两个大，因为功课是3个人的、各自又有很多不同的科目，那些孩子遗漏的，我得一一记下，之后提醒了再敦促、然后再检查。2020年3月18号开启的MCO 1.0刚好落在学校假期，本来应该开学的时候，学校却关闭了。网上教学其实也没有怎么真正的开始，大家却争相的给功课，有点乱水了，苦了我这个做妈的。当初日子怎么过的？好像每天都上演母子吵架的戏码，一个用藤鞭像母老虎一样的喊打喊杀，一个动不动就想离家出走的家伙，后来的我们抱着一起哭，然后就慢慢地习惯了人人口中的新常态。功课要是做了、线上补习也上了、你可以玩你的充气游泳池，我继续看我的小说。这画面每天都不断的重复再重复。7月22号的开学日，大家都是忐忑的。孩子难免有点伤感，可是日子总归要继续的。他们对我这个妈是感激不尽了。返校后，老师把MCO期间的功课重新温习一遍，同学们需要回家做功课的时候，那两兄弟在家尽情的玩耍，只因为功课早在MCO期间完成了。之后的10月12号，学校又开始关闭了。那一次学校做足了准备功夫。除了校外的线上补习，学校规定一天一个小时的网课来得真是太好了。主科和副科的功课也分配得很到位，我想应该很多家长会像我一样，喜欢这种安排。听着老师线上教学，我很讶异！先不说要学着新的教学方法以掌控学生的集中能力，避免孩子闷的慌，单是要控制班上30-40名学生已经不简单了，还有那些一年级的，老师我要上厕所，老师要4点半了，为什么还没有下课，等等，这压力也真够大！到后来年尾假期开始了，我决定让孩子好好休息，给予他们我和老公小时候记忆中的假期，那就是24/7在父母身边，没有补习，不用上课，睡醒了就吃，吃饱了再玩，天亮玩到天黑。同时也属于我自己的假期。于是，我们回去了吉兰丹一趟。踏入新的一年，学校假期结束后，国家又开启了MCO 2.0，孩子还是一样没机会重返校园。
新的一年，网课从一天一个小时变成了一天两个小时。儿子已经习惯性地自动自发开启电脑做功课，上网课。那两个家伙没有很专心，有的时候一边上课一边聊天，有的时候电脑前坐着就缩成了一团，也有一些常常找机会下来喝水。线上教学专注力有限，没办法了。到最后检查作业的那部分还是少不了的。这时妹妹的幼儿园也重开了。为了公平起见，我们献议妹妹上半天的课。由于我有睡眠障碍，没有这么早起，老公就载她上学，我负责接她回家。大家皆大欢喜！
这样的新常态，我还学了些什么吗？刚开始的MCO，我下厨的频率是很高的，到后来偷懒了，负责准备食材，让老公来煮是常常发生的状况。有时候打包，很多时候去妈妈那里蹭饭，没办法，天生不是厨房的料。最喜欢的就是，老公说你准备好了材料放着，我放工后下来煮。更喜欢妈妈打包好的菜肴，我把它冷藏。想吃时，弄烧就可以了，然后炒一样菜、煲个汤，一餐就这样解决了。这种情况多数是晚餐，午餐很多时候是简单的米粉、炒面、意大利面等。这次的MCO 2.0，更是直接叫外卖，太累了。不是累在准备食材，而是累在太费心思。每一餐该吃什么，是西餐还是中餐，西餐是粉、汉堡、披萨还是快餐，中餐是面还是饭，面是什么面，干还是湿，饭又要配什么菜肴，孩子吃不吃等，都变成了我该考量的问题，所以就一个字—累，压力比山大。
昨天政府公布孩子3月起要重返校园了。孩子应该不会很开心吧，那3个小瓜在家的时间太享受了，除了课业，有看不厌的卡通，从bugs bunny到ultraman，还有吃不玩的零食。趁着我还没重返职场，大家尽情的享受吧！我的硕士课程也已经走到了尾端。有机会重返校园，再尝试网课，这感觉太奇妙了，心里总是装着满满的感恩。不像有些人从德国回来已经习惯了work from home, 所谓在家工作的新常态也不过尔尔。
年初九了，新年新希望，愿大家幸福美满，一年过得比一年好。
Depression
I suspect I’m in the brink of depression, having no motivation and passion in life. I also feel myself losing interest or purpose in many things and only hope people to see the less of me. Slowly I get worried, having no mood to do things is not healthy. I want to reconnect myself with friends whom I haven’t met for a long time. I want to find joy in things I enjoy doing. I guess this cmco is driving us crazy.
CMCO
Malaysia has been badly hit by the third wave of COVID-19 pandemic that we have no choice but to reinstate another stringent CMCO in Klang Valley. It all began with the school closure, I’m lucky that my study leave helps us handle the new normal at home although I burn out easily. I must also thank the school who is well prepared this round with an online schedule so I do not really have to guide and coach the homework. I really do appreciate the teachers for their efforts and commitment because I myself as a mum lose patience easily when babysitting the kids at home.
This time, Xuan and Cheng will do the laptop settings themselves to attend online classes. They refresh the pages frequently to check their homework, which I’m proud of. XinYi’s school, on the other hand, decided to give them a break, there was only homework given and no online class. The classes will start tomorrow and take half a day which I’m reluctant to enrol her because the span of attention will not that be long.
On a serious note, while we are doing ok with the new normal under the cmco, most of the underprivileged out there are finding it hard to even put food on the tables. While we do not know how long this pandemic is going to end, let’s do our bit by helping them out.
The 4th phase of mco
While I have been telling friends that I’m not born to be a homemaker because I can’t cook, hubby is just right to say that I might miss moments like these most when we are back to our routine. In fact, I start to cherish moments like these with kids albeit them being playful, I have to constantly tell myself, 亲生的，亲生的。And coaching them homework is a very challenging job because 心脏要强大。I know the kids will miss me most for having me 24/7 when they go back to school.
Still not much into cooking but it’s not pretty bad. After all, everyone is a chef during this period of time. 百年一遇. Embrace the new norms before it ends.
MCO
So the schools and tuition centre made it another level by having online classes. It’s the efforts from the teachers that we appreciate a lot. The first week of mco collided with school holiday so the kids were merely spending their time playing paddling pool and watching tv. Soon, we got messages from the teachers telling the kids to complete their activity books. It was easier for Xuan because he has got an online account with google classrooms since he was at P1. However, it was a little harder for Cheng because the school hadn’t provided him with the account. The things-to-do list was sent to me daily by the class teacher. I thought I would go into depression soon as I couldn’t bring myself to find the passion in cooking and patience in guiding Cheng. Then, Cheng’s class teacher sent me a login ID saying that his class would list down the school work by using google classroom. It was a relief for me because the kids are happy to keep their hands on laptop and excited with quizzes or games online, besides completing activity books. The next one I would really appreciate is the tuition centre which printed out hardcopy of exercises and took the troubles to send to the kids. It then holds online classes to guide them thru for 2 hours daily. It was the first time we watched them sitting in front of the laptop, listening to the teacher attentively while completing the work.
And for Xin Yi, this is the funny part when her kindergarten decided to start an online class daily. We did not expect any online lesson for kids at her age but it’s the kindergarten’s effort that counts, so Xin Yi has been sitting in front of the laptop everyday too and I have 3 sessions each day via zooms, which I could really laugh myself off and also roll eyes for that. Yes, I’m a super busy mum because hubby is rushing his project at work and he has got no time for us. And I guess the only me-time that I get to get breather is when I leave home for grocery shopping, minus the spike in bills that I have to deal with because I generally buy everything we eat.
Above all that, I must say that it drains me out easily. I do not have extra energy or attention to focus on my work. Thanks goodness, we do not have any online classes organized by the uni right now because once again, I wouldn’t know how to juggle if it really happens. Yet again, if I wish this mco could end soon, it is probably not for the risk that we would expose ourselves to. So stay at home and stay safe!