Closing the chapter

What an experience for our convocation ceremony this year under the new normal. It wasn’t bad at all although guests were not allowed. So I’m going to return this robe and officially close the chapter. Thank you for the beautiful memories. Thank you for being part of the journey. Many who are not in the pics, who have been my support, helping me throughout, sharing notes and tips whenever I asked for or even did not ask, you guys are the best!! 

Happy Father’s Day

Wishing all the great dads over the world a wonderful Father’s Day. It has been nearly two years since you left. The pain of losing you is still intense. Every occasion that reminds us of you, we would still wish you in the group and tell each other that let’s cry together. This is so common to say it, but true enough, none a single day passes by without us missing you. I hope you are happy and at peace now. Love as always…

And to the father of my children, it’s your special day, so special that the boys made cards for you and washed the car for you as a surprise before you came home. Their message for you is not to throw their cards away. So much thanks for being who you are, for being the rock of our support…

These photos were taken earlier on when the kids enjoyed their movie time. We love cakes being part of the celebrations as always.

Love these pics as they capture the milestones of the children. Each step they take, their first hero in life will be there for them.

FMCO

So the government reinstated the full mco across the nation. The moe extends the closure to July which means the children will continue to stay home and attend online classes. While I think the challenges are real but I just have to close eyes and can’t complain much. The fights among the children are real too, I just have to bring out the rotan. I feel bad for being moody most of the times, but I can’t help myself. The school holiday is coming to an end. My sons are hoping that this coming Monday is another school holiday because the calendar shows it’s the dumpling festival (端午节). They look forward to days without online classes so they can help themselves at home by watching tv and playing at the paddling pool whole day. Although it’s a school holiday, Xin Yi still has to attend online classes from 830-1200. I sit beside her listening to her teachers and I feel myself deserve a pat on my shoulder. This mco is indeed very depressing when everyone is confined at home. There are families who don’t have enough at this trying time when the economy is bad. Let’s hope for a better tomorrow…

MCO 3.0

Our country reactivates the MCO 3.0 following the spike of COVID-19 recently. The number hits 4k daily which is quite worrying to us. Browsing thru our photos taken last year when everyone was required to stay home, the new normal hasn't changed this year- we are still home. It all began when the kids started to go to school then a few new cases found where the children got it from the family members. There were some cases in Xuan and Cheng's school, including Xuan's class. The government's instruction was clear that the classes involved would be quarantined at home for 10 days and the children would study online. However, the chain effect was large because we decided to quarantine ourselves- Cheng and XY too. So, my stress level has been on the rise since then.

Since early of the year, the number of the cases has been increasing where it got hubby and me paranoid. We went for the test even for mild case of cough and sore throat. That was in January this year. Last month, I went for the second test again after I got notification on MySejahtera app being one of the casual contacts because the premise I went was visited by the COVID-19 patient on the same day, at the same time I checked-in. Similarly, Xuan also went for his swab test after the classmate tested positive. 

The virus is horrific that most of us feel stressed being confined at home. While it may be a blessing in disguise for my family since I'm still on study leave, I would not know how to deal with it when I go back to work few months later. 

On a side note, I have gained quite a lot of weight since the first MCO. I felt myself so heavy that I decided to do some workouts. It is one of the things that I'm proud of doing it throughout my study leave although I just get it started in February this year. I'm still lazy to make it my lifestyle and I doubt I will continue to do so when I go back to work. But wish me luck. I just have to keep going.   

走过2020，迎接2021

时间基本上过得不算太快，长时间埋怨2020，MCO的新常态，让我郁闷，甚至有些时候还有点窒息。问我2020做过什么，我有点答不出来。宅在家潜水吧！难得有这种机会“相夫教子”，可是教没两下，我血压飙升了。百年一遇啊，应该好好记着跟孩子的每一分，每一秒呢！回首2020，我想起很多时候的身不由己。陪小瓜上网课从最初的新鲜感，到后来的烦躁，再到后来的好自为之，一切随缘，我算是看破了吧。陪太子读书真不容易呀，仿佛自己又回到了幼儿园、置身于小学。监督3个小瓜做功课更是难上加难了，我是一个头两个大，因为功课是3个人的、各自又有很多不同的科目，那些孩子遗漏的，我得一一记下，之后提醒了再敦促、然后再检查。2020年3月18号开启的MCO 1.0刚好落在学校假期，本来应该开学的时候，学校却关闭了。网上教学其实也没有怎么真正的开始，大家却争相的给功课，有点乱水了，苦了我这个做妈的。当初日子怎么过的？好像每天都上演母子吵架的戏码，一个用藤鞭像母老虎一样的喊打喊杀，一个动不动就想离家出走的家伙，后来的我们抱着一起哭，然后就慢慢地习惯了人人口中的新常态。功课要是做了、线上补习也上了、你可以玩你的充气游泳池，我继续看我的小说。这画面每天都不断的重复再重复。7月22号的开学日，大家都是忐忑的。孩子难免有点伤感，可是日子总归要继续的。他们对我这个妈是感激不尽了。返校后，老师把MCO期间的功课重新温习一遍，同学们需要回家做功课的时候，那两兄弟在家尽情的玩耍，只因为功课早在MCO期间完成了。之后的10月12号，学校又开始关闭了。那一次学校做足了准备功夫。除了校外的线上补习，学校规定一天一个小时的网课来得真是太好了。主科和副科的功课也分配得很到位，我想应该很多家长会像我一样，喜欢这种安排。听着老师线上教学，我很讶异！先不说要学着新的教学方法以掌控学生的集中能力，避免孩子闷的慌，单是要控制班上30-40名学生已经不简单了，还有那些一年级的，老师我要上厕所，老师要4点半了，为什么还没有下课，等等，这压力也真够大！到后来年尾假期开始了，我决定让孩子好好休息，给予他们我和老公小时候记忆中的假期，那就是24/7在父母身边，没有补习，不用上课，睡醒了就吃，吃饱了再玩，天亮玩到天黑。同时也属于我自己的假期。于是，我们回去了吉兰丹一趟。踏入新的一年，学校假期结束后，国家又开启了MCO 2.0，孩子还是一样没机会重返校园。

新的一年，网课从一天一个小时变成了一天两个小时。儿子已经习惯性地自动自发开启电脑做功课，上网课。那两个家伙没有很专心，有的时候一边上课一边聊天，有的时候电脑前坐着就缩成了一团，也有一些常常找机会下来喝水。线上教学专注力有限，没办法了。到最后检查作业的那部分还是少不了的。这时妹妹的幼儿园也重开了。为了公平起见，我们献议妹妹上半天的课。由于我有睡眠障碍，没有这么早起，老公就载她上学，我负责接她回家。大家皆大欢喜！

这样的新常态，我还学了些什么吗？刚开始的MCO，我下厨的频率是很高的，到后来偷懒了，负责准备食材，让老公来煮是常常发生的状况。有时候打包，很多时候去妈妈那里蹭饭，没办法，天生不是厨房的料。最喜欢的就是，老公说你准备好了材料放着，我放工后下来煮。更喜欢妈妈打包好的菜肴，我把它冷藏。想吃时，弄烧就可以了，然后炒一样菜、煲个汤，一餐就这样解决了。这种情况多数是晚餐，午餐很多时候是简单的米粉、炒面、意大利面等。这次的MCO 2.0，更是直接叫外卖，太累了。不是累在准备食材，而是累在太费心思。每一餐该吃什么，是西餐还是中餐，西餐是粉、汉堡、披萨还是快餐，中餐是面还是饭，面是什么面，干还是湿，饭又要配什么菜肴，孩子吃不吃等，都变成了我该考量的问题，所以就一个字—累，压力比山大。

昨天政府公布孩子3月起要重返校园了。孩子应该不会很开心吧，那3个小瓜在家的时间太享受了，除了课业，有看不厌的卡通，从bugs bunny到ultraman，还有吃不玩的零食。趁着我还没重返职场，大家尽情的享受吧！我的硕士课程也已经走到了尾端。有机会重返校园，再尝试网课，这感觉太奇妙了，心里总是装着满满的感恩。不像有些人从德国回来已经习惯了work from home, 所谓在家工作的新常态也不过尔尔。

年初九了，新年新希望，愿大家幸福美满，一年过得比一年好。

黏人

CMCO 期间有数不尽的自拍照，真的是时候出去走走、透透气。

2020-你过得怎么样？

最近常抱怨日子过得不尽如人意，总是莫名的伤感，心情久久不能平静。人，就是这么矛盾。

11年迟来的礼物。芯亦也很喜欢。而我，只想刷个存在感。

CMCO

Malaysia has been badly hit by the third wave of COVID-19 pandemic that we have no choice but to reinstate another stringent CMCO in Klang Valley. It all began with the school closure, I’m lucky that my study leave helps us handle the new normal at home although I burn out easily. I must also thank the school who is well prepared this round with an online schedule so I do not really have to guide and coach the homework. I really do appreciate the teachers for their efforts and commitment because I myself as a mum lose patience easily when babysitting the kids at home. 

This time, Xuan and Cheng will do the laptop settings themselves to attend online classes. They refresh the pages frequently to check their homework, which I’m proud of. XinYi’s school, on the other hand, decided to give them a break, there was only homework given and no online class. The classes will start tomorrow and take half a day which I’m reluctant to enrol her because the span of attention will not that be long. 

On a serious note, while we are doing ok with the new normal under the cmco, most of the underprivileged out there are finding it hard to even put food on the tables. While we do not know how long this pandemic is going to end, let’s do our bit by helping them out. 

The 4th phase of mco

Today marks the second day of the 4th phase of Malaysian MCO. How time flies that it has been more than 40 days where everyone is asked to stay home. The kids do it very well that they do not go out at all and are having fun at home. Xuan said he doesn’t really like mco because he misses his friends at the school. But he loves tv time a lot. Cheng and Xin Yi however, love mco to the max except Cheng has a lot of chinese homework to complete.

While I have been telling friends that I’m not born to be a homemaker because I can’t cook, hubby is just right to say that I might miss moments like these most when we are back to our routine. In fact, I start to cherish moments like these with kids albeit them being playful, I have to constantly tell myself, 亲生的，亲生的。And coaching them homework is a very challenging job because 心脏要强大。I know the kids will miss me most for having me 24/7 when they go back to school.

Still not much into cooking but it’s not pretty bad. After all, everyone is a chef during this period of time. 百年一遇. Embrace the new norms before it ends.

MCO

It’s been more than two weeks since the movement control order (mco) started to avoid the outbreak of covid-19. While people have been saying that the mco allows more quality time with kids at home, I’m feeling so burned out with so much house chores, particularly cooking and monitoring homework. On the other hand, I’m feeling grateful that this is happening when I’m on study leave. I wouldn’t know how to manage all these if I’m still at work, coming home to cook and watching the kids complete their homework.

So the schools and tuition centre made it another level by having online classes. It’s the efforts from the teachers that we appreciate a lot. The first week of mco collided with school holiday so the kids were merely spending their time playing paddling pool and watching tv. Soon, we got messages from the teachers telling the kids to complete their activity books. It was easier for Xuan because he has got an online account with google classrooms since he was at P1. However, it was a little harder for Cheng because the school hadn’t provided him with the account. The things-to-do list was sent to me daily by the class teacher. I thought I would go into depression soon as I couldn’t bring myself to find the passion in cooking and patience in guiding Cheng. Then, Cheng’s class teacher sent me a login ID saying that his class would list down the school work by using google classroom. It was a relief for me because the kids are happy to keep their hands on laptop and excited with quizzes or games online, besides completing activity books. The next one I would really appreciate is the tuition centre which printed out hardcopy of exercises and took the troubles to send to the kids. It then holds online classes to guide them thru for 2 hours daily. It was the first time we watched them sitting in front of the laptop, listening to the teacher attentively while completing the work.

And for Xin Yi, this is the funny part when her kindergarten decided to start an online class daily. We did not expect any online lesson for kids at her age but it’s the kindergarten’s effort that counts, so Xin Yi has been sitting in front of the laptop everyday too and I have 3 sessions each day via zooms, which I could really laugh myself off and also roll eyes for that. Yes, I’m a super busy mum because hubby is rushing his project at work and he has got no time for us. And I guess the only me-time that I get to get breather is when I leave home for grocery shopping, minus the spike in bills that I have to deal with because I generally buy everything we eat.

Above all that, I must say that it drains me out easily. I do not have extra energy or attention to focus on my work. Thanks goodness, we do not have any online classes organized by the uni right now because once again, I wouldn’t know how to juggle if it really happens. Yet again, if I wish this mco could end soon, it is probably not for the risk that we would expose ourselves to. So stay at home and stay safe!

真的就这样戎了吗？

话说我病了一天，芯亦怜惜我病倒又呕吐，所以没有跟我要奶喝，就这样睡着了。那是第一天。前天晚上我心想都快3岁了，应该好好把握机会把她给戎了，就怂恿老公配合一下。于是又扮自己病了，病得不轻，芯亦迷迷糊糊的睡着了。昨天一早起来望着她，我万般不舍。她总是望着我都会指着胸部说, nen nen。走过内衣店，芯亦也兴奋地喊，nen nen，可是却让我们很尴尬。这3天，一切来得太快。都说了哺乳宝宝最好带。我真的还来不及好好调整心情，芯亦就这样跟nen nen 说bye bye。从此以后，我还真的要想想新办法来安抚她。

diaper-free XY

This has come too soon that without us realising, Xin Yi is diaper-free now, even at night. One of the best thing I gotta remember about our Italy and Slovenia trip was Xin Yi decided to wean herself off diapers at bedtime. We thought it was due to location and time difference that she didn't allow us to put on diaper for her. It all began when we fell asleep due to jetlag without having her diaper on. There was no leakage at all, XY started to gain confidence from there. The same thing happened when we got home. Once, I asked if she wanted to put it on again. She was confused and told me nanny said no. It has been nearly a month now, there was only one night of leaking where she peed at 6-7 am in the morning and fell back to sleep again. How time flies that she or rather the kids grow up so fast!! I was just complaining that she hasn't slept thru the night yet. The next moment I know, she sleeps thru the night and is totally diaper-free!

breastfed XY

XY is growing up so fast that she is turning 3 in next few months. She talks a lot and eats so much! There have been a lot of scientific proof why women should breastfeed for only two years. I think I can attest to it because I start to have aversion now. I lose my patience when nursing her. I tried to recall how I weaned off my first two? It was so much easier: I got pregnant, my hormone changed and the taste changed too, so the boys slowly weaned themselves off. For XY, she will still wake up in the middle of the night to ask for milk. I’m lucky if she doesn’t, that means she is really tired. But she will definitely want comfort suckling during bedtime. I always tell her that mummy is in pain. Can you stop? We hold hands instead? Depending on her mood, she will either agree or talk back, I don’t want to hold hands. So she won’t let go and continue latching. I have no idea when she will finally stop but I guess when the day comes, I will be the saddest person on Earth.

potty training XY

We had been procrastinating to potty train XY. Early this year, mum came over and we left the kids with her. In just two days, she successfully helped us potty train XY and saved us some money on buying diapers. She always believes in potty training the children at early age. So when I was in confinement for my second one, she potty-trained Xuan. Subsequently she did the same for Cheng too. Hubby shared that it’s not easy to do so for girls because the first time he carried XY to the loo, he had to find some tissue paper and cover the toilet seat which is very troublesome. I guess we are hygiene freak that we avoid going to public toilet at all cost. Today XY is not fully diaper free yet. She is still wearing diaper at bedtime. No rush, we are getting there sooner or later.

books

I won’t really know if I have the time to complete our yearbook of 2018. I have been really busy, but looking at these, perhaps I should make 3 copies each so that the kids can have one copy when they are big. I told the boys that I have nothing for them but these. Please share these among yourselves when daddy and mummy are gone one day to reminisce the good old times you have. Xuan and Cheng said: let’s not talk about this sad story, mummy. We will cry. It can get quite sentimental sometimes...

But anyway I have completed Xin Yi’s book that features her first year of life. I didn’t do the second, third and subsequent years because I might use the same photos, so I do a year book instead, which I haven’t had time for 2018 one. I tend to get very greedy that I insist to put all photos in it, resulting in smaller photos. But that’s just so me!! 

speechless yet confused

My bro in law hosted a BBQ party for us during our visit to Singapore two years ago. Then my bro and he decided to have some beers and chill by the jacuzzi pool right in front of the yard. Xuan is very impressed, perhaps at the chillaxing moments they had and still talks about it even now. I think he secretly wishes he could join them when he is big.

Now, here is the dilemma. Hubby has been telling the boys that drinking is not good for health. But he is also mindful of his words that the kids might misunderstand him and convey wrong messages to people around us like my siblings without our presence. The boys are confused because when the father says drinking is no good, they will argue that their big uncle and Uncle Billy drink too, so do their aunties, Uncle Chee Wen and Wee Lium Koko. Ya, sometimes my parents even siblings joke among ourselves and call each other by name, 酒鬼 jokingly.

Xuan asked the father if drinking beers by that sense is allowed? Hubby cant say no to Xuan so he admits that he too drinks when he is out with his colleagues especially on business trips in Germany because they dont drink plain water.

Parenthood is always a dilemma, leaving the kids and even adults speechless. Yet confused.

During our trip to Eastern Europe last year, we were on a transit in Kosice, Slovakia. It is a beautiful medieval town despite freezing cold weather. The train station somehow was packed. And we saw a lot of gypsie-look people who kept staring at us and coming to us for money.

We were intimidated. So we sat at the waiting room. There was one blond hair lady sitting next to us, working on her laptop. We felt at ease with her, people came and went. A young man came in and asked us for money. He got an earful from this lady, we didn’t exactly understand what she said but from her tone of language, it wasn’t something nice. So the young man left.

We took this opportunity to tell the kids that there is no free lunch in this world and nothing comes free. We must work hard for what we want instead of getting free money. The boys said, I think mei mei will be a beggar when she is big because she has been asking around for things she wants. We must stop her bad habit.

Hubby and I looked at each other, speechless.

We could never relate begging with their poor little sister. But she is very persistent in getting things done in her very own way....

Daddy is funny!

We were on the way to the mall we check in almost every week. Halfway the journey, we talked about our trip back in Budapest. And hubby said we should go back to Munich once again because he was supposed to be our tour guide back in 2012 but he fell sick so he stayed at the hotel and rested. He should show us another side of Munich as an expat living there half a year. Apparently, we have Xuan who is a busybody and always chipping in our conversations. He proposed us going to Munich in winter so that we he gets to feel the snow again. The father wasn’t happy with the idea because we have to layer them up whenever we go out. Already we have a super fussy girl who refused to put on jacket, exactly like Cheng (when he was younger). For that reason, we always had to take them out, let them wait outdoors until they felt the cold and agreed for us to put on the jackets for them. Even that, allowing us to put on gloves and winter hat was already a bonus. Xuan asked if he was behaving the same. The father’s answer was awesome. “God is great, god is fair, he gives us an easygoing one, making us believe that children are wonderful. There comes the second which is testing our patience a bit, and comes the no. 3 who absolutely challenges us, waking up in the middle of the night and having her own strong opinion. I guess if the first one is fussy, we wouldn’t have the no.2 and no. 3 sooner.” Albeit kayu, I have to say that their father is absolutely funny.

Getting older

Feeling funny, emo and old looking at these pics. You are growing up too fast!! 

波兰：低调的华丽

从布达佩斯搭夜车到克拉科夫，2天2夜在这老城里，我和老公竟然觉得时间很不够用。真的还没好好沉浸在这老旧和忧伤的世界里，我们就往下一站去。来到了扎科帕内，这个波兰的冬季首都，我们趁着阳光明媚，去了一趟海洋之眼。第二天，老天不负小瓜们的请求，下了一场雪，白雪纷飞，小瓜们玩得很兴奋。还要把雪团装在盒子里，带回房间。只是妹妹还小，不知道玩雪的乐趣。这一趟波兰之旅应该告一段落，下一次，如果还有下一次，应该会很遥远。

end of oct

I went thru a whirlwind of emotions of late that I think I'm under huge stress. But in my defence, the two big ulcers I have in my mouth is not due to the stress per say, it’s because I have my son who bumped his head onto my lips. It was bleeding and days later, two wound appear and hence, the ulcers. I hate ulcers so much because they result in swollen lips and worse, any jaw movement leaves me in pain. Arghhh. I guess nobody will understand the pain I undergo. Ulcers are too frequent to me that my body lacks of some minerals. While I try to boost up immunity by taking multivitamin, I think the main reason is because I'm still breastfeeding. I have a 2yo daughter who still looks for me at night, and totally cant sleep thru the night. But I still hope for miracle one day that I can sleep thru the night without hearing her get up and look for me. My hubby said I should be proud because our children love me so much that they will sniff me before their bed time.

On another note, I went for an interview this morning. It wasn't the best of me but I have no choice. I guess I will keep praying.