野餐记

 

你站在沙滩上看风景，看风景的人从帐篷里看你。

Closing the chapter

What an experience for our convocation ceremony this year under the new normal. It wasn’t bad at all although guests were not allowed. So I’m going to return this robe and officially close the chapter. Thank you for the beautiful memories. Thank you for being part of the journey. Many who are not in the pics, who have been my support, helping me throughout, sharing notes and tips whenever I asked for or even did not ask, you guys are the best!! 

Happy Father’s Day

Wishing all the great dads over the world a wonderful Father’s Day. It has been nearly two years since you left. The pain of losing you is still intense. Every occasion that reminds us of you, we would still wish you in the group and tell each other that let’s cry together. This is so common to say it, but true enough, none a single day passes by without us missing you. I hope you are happy and at peace now. Love as always…

And to the father of my children, it’s your special day, so special that the boys made cards for you and washed the car for you as a surprise before you came home. Their message for you is not to throw their cards away. So much thanks for being who you are, for being the rock of our support…

These photos were taken earlier on when the kids enjoyed their movie time. We love cakes being part of the celebrations as always.

Love these pics as they capture the milestones of the children. Each step they take, their first hero in life will be there for them.

MCO 3.0

Our country reactivates the MCO 3.0 following the spike of COVID-19 recently. The number hits 4k daily which is quite worrying to us. Browsing thru our photos taken last year when everyone was required to stay home, the new normal hasn't changed this year- we are still home. It all began when the kids started to go to school then a few new cases found where the children got it from the family members. There were some cases in Xuan and Cheng's school, including Xuan's class. The government's instruction was clear that the classes involved would be quarantined at home for 10 days and the children would study online. However, the chain effect was large because we decided to quarantine ourselves- Cheng and XY too. So, my stress level has been on the rise since then.

Since early of the year, the number of the cases has been increasing where it got hubby and me paranoid. We went for the test even for mild case of cough and sore throat. That was in January this year. Last month, I went for the second test again after I got notification on MySejahtera app being one of the casual contacts because the premise I went was visited by the COVID-19 patient on the same day, at the same time I checked-in. Similarly, Xuan also went for his swab test after the classmate tested positive. 

The virus is horrific that most of us feel stressed being confined at home. While it may be a blessing in disguise for my family since I'm still on study leave, I would not know how to deal with it when I go back to work few months later. 

On a side note, I have gained quite a lot of weight since the first MCO. I felt myself so heavy that I decided to do some workouts. It is one of the things that I'm proud of doing it throughout my study leave although I just get it started in February this year. I'm still lazy to make it my lifestyle and I doubt I will continue to do so when I go back to work. But wish me luck. I just have to keep going.   

走过2020，迎接2021

时间基本上过得不算太快，长时间埋怨2020，MCO的新常态，让我郁闷，甚至有些时候还有点窒息。问我2020做过什么，我有点答不出来。宅在家潜水吧！难得有这种机会“相夫教子”，可是教没两下，我血压飙升了。百年一遇啊，应该好好记着跟孩子的每一分，每一秒呢！回首2020，我想起很多时候的身不由己。陪小瓜上网课从最初的新鲜感，到后来的烦躁，再到后来的好自为之，一切随缘，我算是看破了吧。陪太子读书真不容易呀，仿佛自己又回到了幼儿园、置身于小学。监督3个小瓜做功课更是难上加难了，我是一个头两个大，因为功课是3个人的、各自又有很多不同的科目，那些孩子遗漏的，我得一一记下，之后提醒了再敦促、然后再检查。2020年3月18号开启的MCO 1.0刚好落在学校假期，本来应该开学的时候，学校却关闭了。网上教学其实也没有怎么真正的开始，大家却争相的给功课，有点乱水了，苦了我这个做妈的。当初日子怎么过的？好像每天都上演母子吵架的戏码，一个用藤鞭像母老虎一样的喊打喊杀，一个动不动就想离家出走的家伙，后来的我们抱着一起哭，然后就慢慢地习惯了人人口中的新常态。功课要是做了、线上补习也上了、你可以玩你的充气游泳池，我继续看我的小说。这画面每天都不断的重复再重复。7月22号的开学日，大家都是忐忑的。孩子难免有点伤感，可是日子总归要继续的。他们对我这个妈是感激不尽了。返校后，老师把MCO期间的功课重新温习一遍，同学们需要回家做功课的时候，那两兄弟在家尽情的玩耍，只因为功课早在MCO期间完成了。之后的10月12号，学校又开始关闭了。那一次学校做足了准备功夫。除了校外的线上补习，学校规定一天一个小时的网课来得真是太好了。主科和副科的功课也分配得很到位，我想应该很多家长会像我一样，喜欢这种安排。听着老师线上教学，我很讶异！先不说要学着新的教学方法以掌控学生的集中能力，避免孩子闷的慌，单是要控制班上30-40名学生已经不简单了，还有那些一年级的，老师我要上厕所，老师要4点半了，为什么还没有下课，等等，这压力也真够大！到后来年尾假期开始了，我决定让孩子好好休息，给予他们我和老公小时候记忆中的假期，那就是24/7在父母身边，没有补习，不用上课，睡醒了就吃，吃饱了再玩，天亮玩到天黑。同时也属于我自己的假期。于是，我们回去了吉兰丹一趟。踏入新的一年，学校假期结束后，国家又开启了MCO 2.0，孩子还是一样没机会重返校园。

新的一年，网课从一天一个小时变成了一天两个小时。儿子已经习惯性地自动自发开启电脑做功课，上网课。那两个家伙没有很专心，有的时候一边上课一边聊天，有的时候电脑前坐着就缩成了一团，也有一些常常找机会下来喝水。线上教学专注力有限，没办法了。到最后检查作业的那部分还是少不了的。这时妹妹的幼儿园也重开了。为了公平起见，我们献议妹妹上半天的课。由于我有睡眠障碍，没有这么早起，老公就载她上学，我负责接她回家。大家皆大欢喜！

这样的新常态，我还学了些什么吗？刚开始的MCO，我下厨的频率是很高的，到后来偷懒了，负责准备食材，让老公来煮是常常发生的状况。有时候打包，很多时候去妈妈那里蹭饭，没办法，天生不是厨房的料。最喜欢的就是，老公说你准备好了材料放着，我放工后下来煮。更喜欢妈妈打包好的菜肴，我把它冷藏。想吃时，弄烧就可以了，然后炒一样菜、煲个汤，一餐就这样解决了。这种情况多数是晚餐，午餐很多时候是简单的米粉、炒面、意大利面等。这次的MCO 2.0，更是直接叫外卖，太累了。不是累在准备食材，而是累在太费心思。每一餐该吃什么，是西餐还是中餐，西餐是粉、汉堡、披萨还是快餐，中餐是面还是饭，面是什么面，干还是湿，饭又要配什么菜肴，孩子吃不吃等，都变成了我该考量的问题，所以就一个字—累，压力比山大。

昨天政府公布孩子3月起要重返校园了。孩子应该不会很开心吧，那3个小瓜在家的时间太享受了，除了课业，有看不厌的卡通，从bugs bunny到ultraman，还有吃不玩的零食。趁着我还没重返职场，大家尽情的享受吧！我的硕士课程也已经走到了尾端。有机会重返校园，再尝试网课，这感觉太奇妙了，心里总是装着满满的感恩。不像有些人从德国回来已经习惯了work from home, 所谓在家工作的新常态也不过尔尔。

年初九了，新年新希望，愿大家幸福美满，一年过得比一年好。

黏人

CMCO 期间有数不尽的自拍照，真的是时候出去走走、透透气。

CMCO

Malaysia has been badly hit by the third wave of COVID-19 pandemic that we have no choice but to reinstate another stringent CMCO in Klang Valley. It all began with the school closure, I’m lucky that my study leave helps us handle the new normal at home although I burn out easily. I must also thank the school who is well prepared this round with an online schedule so I do not really have to guide and coach the homework. I really do appreciate the teachers for their efforts and commitment because I myself as a mum lose patience easily when babysitting the kids at home. 

This time, Xuan and Cheng will do the laptop settings themselves to attend online classes. They refresh the pages frequently to check their homework, which I’m proud of. XinYi’s school, on the other hand, decided to give them a break, there was only homework given and no online class. The classes will start tomorrow and take half a day which I’m reluctant to enrol her because the span of attention will not that be long. 

On a serious note, while we are doing ok with the new normal under the cmco, most of the underprivileged out there are finding it hard to even put food on the tables. While we do not know how long this pandemic is going to end, let’s do our bit by helping them out. 

The 4th phase of mco

Today marks the second day of the 4th phase of Malaysian MCO. How time flies that it has been more than 40 days where everyone is asked to stay home. The kids do it very well that they do not go out at all and are having fun at home. Xuan said he doesn’t really like mco because he misses his friends at the school. But he loves tv time a lot. Cheng and Xin Yi however, love mco to the max except Cheng has a lot of chinese homework to complete.

While I have been telling friends that I’m not born to be a homemaker because I can’t cook, hubby is just right to say that I might miss moments like these most when we are back to our routine. In fact, I start to cherish moments like these with kids albeit them being playful, I have to constantly tell myself, 亲生的，亲生的。And coaching them homework is a very challenging job because 心脏要强大。I know the kids will miss me most for having me 24/7 when they go back to school.

Still not much into cooking but it’s not pretty bad. After all, everyone is a chef during this period of time. 百年一遇. Embrace the new norms before it ends.

MCO

It’s been more than two weeks since the movement control order (mco) started to avoid the outbreak of covid-19. While people have been saying that the mco allows more quality time with kids at home, I’m feeling so burned out with so much house chores, particularly cooking and monitoring homework. On the other hand, I’m feeling grateful that this is happening when I’m on study leave. I wouldn’t know how to manage all these if I’m still at work, coming home to cook and watching the kids complete their homework.

So the schools and tuition centre made it another level by having online classes. It’s the efforts from the teachers that we appreciate a lot. The first week of mco collided with school holiday so the kids were merely spending their time playing paddling pool and watching tv. Soon, we got messages from the teachers telling the kids to complete their activity books. It was easier for Xuan because he has got an online account with google classrooms since he was at P1. However, it was a little harder for Cheng because the school hadn’t provided him with the account. The things-to-do list was sent to me daily by the class teacher. I thought I would go into depression soon as I couldn’t bring myself to find the passion in cooking and patience in guiding Cheng. Then, Cheng’s class teacher sent me a login ID saying that his class would list down the school work by using google classroom. It was a relief for me because the kids are happy to keep their hands on laptop and excited with quizzes or games online, besides completing activity books. The next one I would really appreciate is the tuition centre which printed out hardcopy of exercises and took the troubles to send to the kids. It then holds online classes to guide them thru for 2 hours daily. It was the first time we watched them sitting in front of the laptop, listening to the teacher attentively while completing the work.

And for Xin Yi, this is the funny part when her kindergarten decided to start an online class daily. We did not expect any online lesson for kids at her age but it’s the kindergarten’s effort that counts, so Xin Yi has been sitting in front of the laptop everyday too and I have 3 sessions each day via zooms, which I could really laugh myself off and also roll eyes for that. Yes, I’m a super busy mum because hubby is rushing his project at work and he has got no time for us. And I guess the only me-time that I get to get breather is when I leave home for grocery shopping, minus the spike in bills that I have to deal with because I generally buy everything we eat.

Above all that, I must say that it drains me out easily. I do not have extra energy or attention to focus on my work. Thanks goodness, we do not have any online classes organized by the uni right now because once again, I wouldn’t know how to juggle if it really happens. Yet again, if I wish this mco could end soon, it is probably not for the risk that we would expose ourselves to. So stay at home and stay safe!

Graduation

Cheng has finally finished his preschool years and is going to Primary 1 next year. He went to daycare cum kindergarten since he was 2.5yo. And this year he finally graduated. I’m so proud of him that he has been such an independent kid since young (probably due to the fact that he is a second-born baby). He was chosen by the kindy to be representative for his school to deliver farewell speech in English. It took him some time to memorise because he was not interested in it. As a result, daddy, mummy and even Xin Yi could memorise the speech with him. He was the first one to present last weekend and he wasn’t scared at all. He forgot a small part of the speech, stopped for a few seconds trying to recall and continued with full confidence. The audience gave him a big clap. It moves my heart whenever the kids perform, they grow up too fast!

dreams

Actually I do not know if I could ever interpret dreams. But I guess it reflects my thoughts and is very much connected to my lifestyle. I have to pen down this when my memories are still fresh that my father came into my dream again few weeks ago. I dreamt of him at the shop and he got a shock that I could see him. We chatted a little while before Xin Yi made noise and he told me he got to leave. The next day morning, my sister shared her dream with us and she too dreamt of him at the shop. Many of us dreamt of him at the shop, a place where he spent his entire life there. It's also a place we grew up and without my father and the shop, I wouldn't be where I'm today.

Yhi Cheng shared his dream that he saw my father waking up from his casket, smiling at him and waving good bye. He is a very compassionate boy that he told me not to cry because he can give me his daddy. He always has a big heart. And he said, mummy, if you miss your daddy, you can always whatsapp or video-call him.

How time flies that this Sunday is going to be his 6th's 7th. The pain of losing him is still very much to bear as I wasn't ready to say good bye. But I'll be fine and getting better each day.

keeping you in my prayers

Can't believe that papa has left us for three weeks. It feels like he is still here. But the truth is, I can't see, hold, touch and talk to him anymore. I feel he just suddenly disappeared in this world. Cheng asked me to video-call or whatsapp him when I miss him. He hasn't got the idea that my papa is gone forever that the only thing I can do now is to keep him in my prayers. I'm not a religious person but I pray a lot for him- to go to a better place because life is full of sorrows. Today, we are still mourning the pain of losing him. So much that no words can describe the pain we are facing. Since I was one of those who cried the most during his wake and funeral, my family asked Xuan and Cheng if mummy is still crying. And Xuan told them, 大便也在哭。I think my sons are trying to “drop my water face”. But believe me, I’ll be alright after this.

breakfast like king

I was so busy for the past few days having meetings back to back in Putrajaya and KL. But I was so glad that we went breakfast in the early morning at mamak before the father sent them to school and I was off to KL. Food holds us together. We made the kids get up early which is very rare, they happily joined us so that we could have meal together. Yesterday, I was back to putrajaya and Cheng was upset that he had to go to school without me having breakfast with them. I love moments like this, so much looking forward to weekends so that we can do things together. Dilemma of working mum haha.

Dental visits

I took the kids to their very first dental visit early this year. It began when I noticed Cheng needed to see dentist for his front teeth. But the dentist didn’t seem to bother about it. Instead he fixed his molars because they will stay with him for another 8-9 years. Cheng was very brave that he didn’t fuss a bit. The dentist rewarded him a playing card. The following week, I took Xuan there to get his teeth checked too. And there was one to be fixed. The dentist commented that Xuan has just started showing signs of changing milk teeth, it’s quite late compared to his peers. Xuan always gets upset and asks when is he going to lose his baby teeth, it’s a question I can never answer. 

books

I won’t really know if I have the time to complete our yearbook of 2018. I have been really busy, but looking at these, perhaps I should make 3 copies each so that the kids can have one copy when they are big. I told the boys that I have nothing for them but these. Please share these among yourselves when daddy and mummy are gone one day to reminisce the good old times you have. Xuan and Cheng said: let’s not talk about this sad story, mummy. We will cry. It can get quite sentimental sometimes...

But anyway I have completed Xin Yi’s book that features her first year of life. I didn’t do the second, third and subsequent years because I might use the same photos, so I do a year book instead, which I haven’t had time for 2018 one. I tend to get very greedy that I insist to put all photos in it, resulting in smaller photos. But that’s just so me!! 

speechless yet confused

My bro in law hosted a BBQ party for us during our visit to Singapore two years ago. Then my bro and he decided to have some beers and chill by the jacuzzi pool right in front of the yard. Xuan is very impressed, perhaps at the chillaxing moments they had and still talks about it even now. I think he secretly wishes he could join them when he is big.

Now, here is the dilemma. Hubby has been telling the boys that drinking is not good for health. But he is also mindful of his words that the kids might misunderstand him and convey wrong messages to people around us like my siblings without our presence. The boys are confused because when the father says drinking is no good, they will argue that their big uncle and Uncle Billy drink too, so do their aunties, Uncle Chee Wen and Wee Lium Koko. Ya, sometimes my parents even siblings joke among ourselves and call each other by name, 酒鬼 jokingly.

Xuan asked the father if drinking beers by that sense is allowed? Hubby cant say no to Xuan so he admits that he too drinks when he is out with his colleagues especially on business trips in Germany because they dont drink plain water.

Parenthood is always a dilemma, leaving the kids and even adults speechless. Yet confused.

During our trip to Eastern Europe last year, we were on a transit in Kosice, Slovakia. It is a beautiful medieval town despite freezing cold weather. The train station somehow was packed. And we saw a lot of gypsie-look people who kept staring at us and coming to us for money.

We were intimidated. So we sat at the waiting room. There was one blond hair lady sitting next to us, working on her laptop. We felt at ease with her, people came and went. A young man came in and asked us for money. He got an earful from this lady, we didn’t exactly understand what she said but from her tone of language, it wasn’t something nice. So the young man left.

We took this opportunity to tell the kids that there is no free lunch in this world and nothing comes free. We must work hard for what we want instead of getting free money. The boys said, I think mei mei will be a beggar when she is big because she has been asking around for things she wants. We must stop her bad habit.

Hubby and I looked at each other, speechless.

We could never relate begging with their poor little sister. But she is very persistent in getting things done in her very own way....

boys

Experiencing spring and autumn. Life has never come easy. But these will be my memories with you... the memories of watching you grow! But, this is the dilemma we face: feeling cold in the foreign land and complaining warm back at home. You know you are Malaysian when you wish you can go somewhere cold then come home to a warm place then cold then warm then the complaints go on. And I know, the complaints usually come from Cheng.

My sons told me they wanted to stay home just like their friends. “My friends stay at home after their tuition, I wish I can do the same too. Their mummies do not work.” Am I feeling heartache hearing this statement, well, not really. I have told them many times that we are a set of working parents. Our household works just like this that both parents are working to bring food on the table. I guess Xuan is getting smarter that he said, that includes travel. My friend, YJ told me that she has never gone on traveling. The farthest she went is to the maternal grandmother’s house. If that’s the case, mummy you need to work so that we can travel again.

And now he starts on logical thinking...

Headache solved

So we were looking for kindergarten and daycare centre for Xuan and Cheng since theirs were closed down permanently. I feel sorry and sad for it because they both went there since 5yo and 2.5yo. I had never thought Xuan would continue to stay there for daycare before going to school in the afternoon. But the kindergarten was run as home-based and the tuition they offered to primary school children was more like homework coaching so it suited us that we subscribed Xuan. Also, the principle is a kind lady with a few words that always gives children full trust. And not to mention, they were so tolerant with us who had been late everyday. So we were on a lookout. The kindergarten offered Cheng a place at the sister outlet somewhere in another township, together with transport. But they have none for Xuan. It may sound convenient but we have to be really early because transporter will pick Cheng up at 730 at the nanny’s. In the end, we found one that’s to send Cheng to somewhere near the nanny’s. Just as we thought we are almost done with the arrangement, checking out daycare centre for Xuan wasn’t as simple as we thoughts. In fact it is quite sad to see the education has been made too commercialised these days. While I do not really look at the syllabus or methods used for Xuan since he will just be P2 next year, most of the centres offer tuition and are run like centres I attended when I was in secondary which they provide different set of activities books following public school syllabus. Yesterday, we scouted around the area we wanted and finally found one for Xuan. We hope it’s doing good for Xuan because Cheng tested the principle’s patience by dropping her phone on the floor and very patiently, the principle assured him everything’s ok! My boys are just rough as such. So not hoping for an extensive program, we only want them to enjoy the learning process. Having a full time working mum, we have no choice but the kids to bear with us!

Daddy is funny!

We were on the way to the mall we check in almost every week. Halfway the journey, we talked about our trip back in Budapest. And hubby said we should go back to Munich once again because he was supposed to be our tour guide back in 2012 but he fell sick so he stayed at the hotel and rested. He should show us another side of Munich as an expat living there half a year. Apparently, we have Xuan who is a busybody and always chipping in our conversations. He proposed us going to Munich in winter so that we he gets to feel the snow again. The father wasn’t happy with the idea because we have to layer them up whenever we go out. Already we have a super fussy girl who refused to put on jacket, exactly like Cheng (when he was younger). For that reason, we always had to take them out, let them wait outdoors until they felt the cold and agreed for us to put on the jackets for them. Even that, allowing us to put on gloves and winter hat was already a bonus. Xuan asked if he was behaving the same. The father’s answer was awesome. “God is great, god is fair, he gives us an easygoing one, making us believe that children are wonderful. There comes the second which is testing our patience a bit, and comes the no. 3 who absolutely challenges us, waking up in the middle of the night and having her own strong opinion. I guess if the first one is fussy, we wouldn’t have the no.2 and no. 3 sooner.” Albeit kayu, I have to say that their father is absolutely funny.

Getting older

Feeling funny, emo and old looking at these pics. You are growing up too fast!!