Closing the chapter

What an experience for our convocation ceremony this year under the new normal. It wasn’t bad at all although guests were not allowed. So I’m going to return this robe and officially close the chapter. Thank you for the beautiful memories. Thank you for being part of the journey. Many who are not in the pics, who have been my support, helping me throughout, sharing notes and tips whenever I asked for or even did not ask, you guys are the best!! 

Time flies

My study leave ended officially last weekend. I reported for duty at JPA virtually yesterday, sending all the necessary documents it required. Anxious as I was, I guess I’m equally excited looking forward to the role that I had been once used to, a routine that I miss most throughout my absence in my career. There could be some new challenges ahead under the new norms but I’m ready to embrace it. Nevertheless, I must mention hubby who has been my rock of support whenever I feel lost. He is my confidence booster whenever I doubt myself. I hope things get better soon for everyone… 

Santa got me a new phone

I have got a parcel from Santa last month. It is a brand new phone but I took so long to change it because I did not know how to transfer the data inside. I was not ready to let go the communications I kept with papa, the messages he sent and the calls he made. I scrolled our conversations and found one he texted when I was in Italy. He was asking our whereabouts when the boat crash happened in Budapest, summer in 2019 it was. Fast forward today, hubby helped me transfer the data and I start using this new phone which the charging is super fast. Sometimes I still do not know how it functions, but my bro and sis are always my savior. Remember how the senior citizens cope with using mobile phones, I’m one of those, I guess I’m spoilt that way. Now when everything goes online, I remember papa. He was always eager for knowledge where he read and learnt a lot. If he was still around, I guess he would give online business a try too. 

So hubby proudly showed off his new phone from the office because the old one from Germany was too old and not updated. He joked that the new phone cost him nothing, but actually mine too. I haven’t figured out how to fully utilize this phone, but I’m good so long it has the basic functions…

Happy Father’s Day

Wishing all the great dads over the world a wonderful Father’s Day. It has been nearly two years since you left. The pain of losing you is still intense. Every occasion that reminds us of you, we would still wish you in the group and tell each other that let’s cry together. This is so common to say it, but true enough, none a single day passes by without us missing you. I hope you are happy and at peace now. Love as always…

And to the father of my children, it’s your special day, so special that the boys made cards for you and washed the car for you as a surprise before you came home. Their message for you is not to throw their cards away. So much thanks for being who you are, for being the rock of our support…

These photos were taken earlier on when the kids enjoyed their movie time. We love cakes being part of the celebrations as always.

Love these pics as they capture the milestones of the children. Each step they take, their first hero in life will be there for them.

走过2020，迎接2021

时间基本上过得不算太快，长时间埋怨2020，MCO的新常态，让我郁闷，甚至有些时候还有点窒息。问我2020做过什么，我有点答不出来。宅在家潜水吧！难得有这种机会“相夫教子”，可是教没两下，我血压飙升了。百年一遇啊，应该好好记着跟孩子的每一分，每一秒呢！回首2020，我想起很多时候的身不由己。陪小瓜上网课从最初的新鲜感，到后来的烦躁，再到后来的好自为之，一切随缘，我算是看破了吧。陪太子读书真不容易呀，仿佛自己又回到了幼儿园、置身于小学。监督3个小瓜做功课更是难上加难了，我是一个头两个大，因为功课是3个人的、各自又有很多不同的科目，那些孩子遗漏的，我得一一记下，之后提醒了再敦促、然后再检查。2020年3月18号开启的MCO 1.0刚好落在学校假期，本来应该开学的时候，学校却关闭了。网上教学其实也没有怎么真正的开始，大家却争相的给功课，有点乱水了，苦了我这个做妈的。当初日子怎么过的？好像每天都上演母子吵架的戏码，一个用藤鞭像母老虎一样的喊打喊杀，一个动不动就想离家出走的家伙，后来的我们抱着一起哭，然后就慢慢地习惯了人人口中的新常态。功课要是做了、线上补习也上了、你可以玩你的充气游泳池，我继续看我的小说。这画面每天都不断的重复再重复。7月22号的开学日，大家都是忐忑的。孩子难免有点伤感，可是日子总归要继续的。他们对我这个妈是感激不尽了。返校后，老师把MCO期间的功课重新温习一遍，同学们需要回家做功课的时候，那两兄弟在家尽情的玩耍，只因为功课早在MCO期间完成了。之后的10月12号，学校又开始关闭了。那一次学校做足了准备功夫。除了校外的线上补习，学校规定一天一个小时的网课来得真是太好了。主科和副科的功课也分配得很到位，我想应该很多家长会像我一样，喜欢这种安排。听着老师线上教学，我很讶异！先不说要学着新的教学方法以掌控学生的集中能力，避免孩子闷的慌，单是要控制班上30-40名学生已经不简单了，还有那些一年级的，老师我要上厕所，老师要4点半了，为什么还没有下课，等等，这压力也真够大！到后来年尾假期开始了，我决定让孩子好好休息，给予他们我和老公小时候记忆中的假期，那就是24/7在父母身边，没有补习，不用上课，睡醒了就吃，吃饱了再玩，天亮玩到天黑。同时也属于我自己的假期。于是，我们回去了吉兰丹一趟。踏入新的一年，学校假期结束后，国家又开启了MCO 2.0，孩子还是一样没机会重返校园。

新的一年，网课从一天一个小时变成了一天两个小时。儿子已经习惯性地自动自发开启电脑做功课，上网课。那两个家伙没有很专心，有的时候一边上课一边聊天，有的时候电脑前坐着就缩成了一团，也有一些常常找机会下来喝水。线上教学专注力有限，没办法了。到最后检查作业的那部分还是少不了的。这时妹妹的幼儿园也重开了。为了公平起见，我们献议妹妹上半天的课。由于我有睡眠障碍，没有这么早起，老公就载她上学，我负责接她回家。大家皆大欢喜！

这样的新常态，我还学了些什么吗？刚开始的MCO，我下厨的频率是很高的，到后来偷懒了，负责准备食材，让老公来煮是常常发生的状况。有时候打包，很多时候去妈妈那里蹭饭，没办法，天生不是厨房的料。最喜欢的就是，老公说你准备好了材料放着，我放工后下来煮。更喜欢妈妈打包好的菜肴，我把它冷藏。想吃时，弄烧就可以了，然后炒一样菜、煲个汤，一餐就这样解决了。这种情况多数是晚餐，午餐很多时候是简单的米粉、炒面、意大利面等。这次的MCO 2.0，更是直接叫外卖，太累了。不是累在准备食材，而是累在太费心思。每一餐该吃什么，是西餐还是中餐，西餐是粉、汉堡、披萨还是快餐，中餐是面还是饭，面是什么面，干还是湿，饭又要配什么菜肴，孩子吃不吃等，都变成了我该考量的问题，所以就一个字—累，压力比山大。

昨天政府公布孩子3月起要重返校园了。孩子应该不会很开心吧，那3个小瓜在家的时间太享受了，除了课业，有看不厌的卡通，从bugs bunny到ultraman，还有吃不玩的零食。趁着我还没重返职场，大家尽情的享受吧！我的硕士课程也已经走到了尾端。有机会重返校园，再尝试网课，这感觉太奇妙了，心里总是装着满满的感恩。不像有些人从德国回来已经习惯了work from home, 所谓在家工作的新常态也不过尔尔。

年初九了，新年新希望，愿大家幸福美满，一年过得比一年好。

The 4th phase of mco

Today marks the second day of the 4th phase of Malaysian MCO. How time flies that it has been more than 40 days where everyone is asked to stay home. The kids do it very well that they do not go out at all and are having fun at home. Xuan said he doesn’t really like mco because he misses his friends at the school. But he loves tv time a lot. Cheng and Xin Yi however, love mco to the max except Cheng has a lot of chinese homework to complete.

While I have been telling friends that I’m not born to be a homemaker because I can’t cook, hubby is just right to say that I might miss moments like these most when we are back to our routine. In fact, I start to cherish moments like these with kids albeit them being playful, I have to constantly tell myself, 亲生的，亲生的。And coaching them homework is a very challenging job because 心脏要强大。I know the kids will miss me most for having me 24/7 when they go back to school.

Still not much into cooking but it’s not pretty bad. After all, everyone is a chef during this period of time. 百年一遇. Embrace the new norms before it ends.

MCO

It’s been more than two weeks since the movement control order (mco) started to avoid the outbreak of covid-19. While people have been saying that the mco allows more quality time with kids at home, I’m feeling so burned out with so much house chores, particularly cooking and monitoring homework. On the other hand, I’m feeling grateful that this is happening when I’m on study leave. I wouldn’t know how to manage all these if I’m still at work, coming home to cook and watching the kids complete their homework.

So the schools and tuition centre made it another level by having online classes. It’s the efforts from the teachers that we appreciate a lot. The first week of mco collided with school holiday so the kids were merely spending their time playing paddling pool and watching tv. Soon, we got messages from the teachers telling the kids to complete their activity books. It was easier for Xuan because he has got an online account with google classrooms since he was at P1. However, it was a little harder for Cheng because the school hadn’t provided him with the account. The things-to-do list was sent to me daily by the class teacher. I thought I would go into depression soon as I couldn’t bring myself to find the passion in cooking and patience in guiding Cheng. Then, Cheng’s class teacher sent me a login ID saying that his class would list down the school work by using google classroom. It was a relief for me because the kids are happy to keep their hands on laptop and excited with quizzes or games online, besides completing activity books. The next one I would really appreciate is the tuition centre which printed out hardcopy of exercises and took the troubles to send to the kids. It then holds online classes to guide them thru for 2 hours daily. It was the first time we watched them sitting in front of the laptop, listening to the teacher attentively while completing the work.

And for Xin Yi, this is the funny part when her kindergarten decided to start an online class daily. We did not expect any online lesson for kids at her age but it’s the kindergarten’s effort that counts, so Xin Yi has been sitting in front of the laptop everyday too and I have 3 sessions each day via zooms, which I could really laugh myself off and also roll eyes for that. Yes, I’m a super busy mum because hubby is rushing his project at work and he has got no time for us. And I guess the only me-time that I get to get breather is when I leave home for grocery shopping, minus the spike in bills that I have to deal with because I generally buy everything we eat.

Above all that, I must say that it drains me out easily. I do not have extra energy or attention to focus on my work. Thanks goodness, we do not have any online classes organized by the uni right now because once again, I wouldn’t know how to juggle if it really happens. Yet again, if I wish this mco could end soon, it is probably not for the risk that we would expose ourselves to. So stay at home and stay safe!

Drama queen

I was down with low-grade fever yesterday due to food poisoning. I did not know how I got it but I had peaches and avocados followed by fried rice prepared by hubby the night before. Or maybe I had too much durians from the jamuan raya I attended causing my body heaty. I threw up a few times too but it wasn't as awful as I had experienced last time but I knew I was going to fall sick. As usual, I'm always a drama queen so the whole world has to know that I fall sick. I told my siblings and hubby that I was dying, nobody took it seriously except hubby who felt guilty he should have worked from home instead. Today I'm all good and back at work again.

Dream vs reality

I had a weird dream two days ago that I dreamt of myself traveling in a train in Milan. It wasn’t crowded at all. Then came an Asian girl who danced in front of me and grabbed my bag out of a sudden. She took the money out and fled off. I was so angry so I chased her. We had a fight and she threw the money at my face. Waking up from the sleep, I complained to hubby that the girl was very rude. And I wasn’t happy. I think I’m just so auntie, but the intention was to tell hubby that our dreams and reality could be related because we were just talking about it that morning.

Langkawi

I went on a girls trip with my officemates over the weekend, leaving behind the children with hubby. I’m always proud of him because he handles the kids well, even better than me. While I complain how stressful it is whenever he is away for business trips, there is no single rant I hear from him after I get home, only to see how well he takes care of them that, he can cook 3 meals a day for the kids which I don’t do that at all. The last time I went to Langkawi was 5 years ago when we went to UUM for my sister’s convocation. We then made a de tour to Langkawi. Now the island has changed so much that I think I should take the kids back here again. But they seem to fall in love with Bali more, not for the island itself but for Hard Rock Hotel that they love to stay. Holiday with family is so far away. The next school break will be this March.

Friends in the service! Bumped into Ayu in the island and had laksa together, what a small world hehe...

Having seafood dinner together

Myself and ourselves

I have been down with fever since last week that I feel myself tired all the time. It’s a world peace day when hubby took the kids out on weekend giving me full time to myself to rest and sleep, which I can’t so I blog. My fear of nightmare is dengue fever and I have been going to the clinic to get blood test done. Since then, I didnt join my office’s team building at PD and am staying put at home.

On another note on how we celebrated Valentine’s Day, my hubby said 爱对了人，每天都是情人节 (I rolled my eyes, almost punched him). Anyway I must give thanks to the 16 years we have been together. Although he still owes me a bouquet after so many years and I have never been tired of bringing this up again and again, he is very diagnostic and easily hits the bull’s eye...

at work

My hubby has taught me so much that I always look up to him no matter what circumstances I go thru. Without knowing, his ocd-ness has taught me to be a bit of ocd too, although not entirely true. My office had a major reshuffle so my desk was moved one floor above. Upon entering my new room, I felt uneasy looking at the layout so I threw almost 95% of the things inside away. The new room feels so empty that I feel afresh. And I slowly believe that I'm actually quite a minimalist at work. Today, I have got the news that I'm moving back to my old room, which I'm not quite sure of its reason. Office politics is always demoralizing but I'm always taking things positively. So I'm gonna have to shift again, to a room that I'm so familiar with. But the most tiring part is, I have to move the furniture and change its layout again.

speechless yet confused

My bro in law hosted a BBQ party for us during our visit to Singapore two years ago. Then my bro and he decided to have some beers and chill by the jacuzzi pool right in front of the yard. Xuan is very impressed, perhaps at the chillaxing moments they had and still talks about it even now. I think he secretly wishes he could join them when he is big.

Now, here is the dilemma. Hubby has been telling the boys that drinking is not good for health. But he is also mindful of his words that the kids might misunderstand him and convey wrong messages to people around us like my siblings without our presence. The boys are confused because when the father says drinking is no good, they will argue that their big uncle and Uncle Billy drink too, so do their aunties, Uncle Chee Wen and Wee Lium Koko. Ya, sometimes my parents even siblings joke among ourselves and call each other by name, 酒鬼 jokingly.

Xuan asked the father if drinking beers by that sense is allowed? Hubby cant say no to Xuan so he admits that he too drinks when he is out with his colleagues especially on business trips in Germany because they dont drink plain water.

Parenthood is always a dilemma, leaving the kids and even adults speechless. Yet confused.

During our trip to Eastern Europe last year, we were on a transit in Kosice, Slovakia. It is a beautiful medieval town despite freezing cold weather. The train station somehow was packed. And we saw a lot of gypsie-look people who kept staring at us and coming to us for money.

We were intimidated. So we sat at the waiting room. There was one blond hair lady sitting next to us, working on her laptop. We felt at ease with her, people came and went. A young man came in and asked us for money. He got an earful from this lady, we didn’t exactly understand what she said but from her tone of language, it wasn’t something nice. So the young man left.

We took this opportunity to tell the kids that there is no free lunch in this world and nothing comes free. We must work hard for what we want instead of getting free money. The boys said, I think mei mei will be a beggar when she is big because she has been asking around for things she wants. We must stop her bad habit.

Hubby and I looked at each other, speechless.

We could never relate begging with their poor little sister. But she is very persistent in getting things done in her very own way....

回首2018

起起伏伏，得失必然，多年以后这些都是微不足道的小事。唯一的痛，是老公心里的空虚，一辈子也填䃼不了。2019, 愿大家平安惜福！

Headache solved

So we were looking for kindergarten and daycare centre for Xuan and Cheng since theirs were closed down permanently. I feel sorry and sad for it because they both went there since 5yo and 2.5yo. I had never thought Xuan would continue to stay there for daycare before going to school in the afternoon. But the kindergarten was run as home-based and the tuition they offered to primary school children was more like homework coaching so it suited us that we subscribed Xuan. Also, the principle is a kind lady with a few words that always gives children full trust. And not to mention, they were so tolerant with us who had been late everyday. So we were on a lookout. The kindergarten offered Cheng a place at the sister outlet somewhere in another township, together with transport. But they have none for Xuan. It may sound convenient but we have to be really early because transporter will pick Cheng up at 730 at the nanny’s. In the end, we found one that’s to send Cheng to somewhere near the nanny’s. Just as we thought we are almost done with the arrangement, checking out daycare centre for Xuan wasn’t as simple as we thoughts. In fact it is quite sad to see the education has been made too commercialised these days. While I do not really look at the syllabus or methods used for Xuan since he will just be P2 next year, most of the centres offer tuition and are run like centres I attended when I was in secondary which they provide different set of activities books following public school syllabus. Yesterday, we scouted around the area we wanted and finally found one for Xuan. We hope it’s doing good for Xuan because Cheng tested the principle’s patience by dropping her phone on the floor and very patiently, the principle assured him everything’s ok! My boys are just rough as such. So not hoping for an extensive program, we only want them to enjoy the learning process. Having a full time working mum, we have no choice but the kids to bear with us!

Daddy is funny!

We were on the way to the mall we check in almost every week. Halfway the journey, we talked about our trip back in Budapest. And hubby said we should go back to Munich once again because he was supposed to be our tour guide back in 2012 but he fell sick so he stayed at the hotel and rested. He should show us another side of Munich as an expat living there half a year. Apparently, we have Xuan who is a busybody and always chipping in our conversations. He proposed us going to Munich in winter so that we he gets to feel the snow again. The father wasn’t happy with the idea because we have to layer them up whenever we go out. Already we have a super fussy girl who refused to put on jacket, exactly like Cheng (when he was younger). For that reason, we always had to take them out, let them wait outdoors until they felt the cold and agreed for us to put on the jackets for them. Even that, allowing us to put on gloves and winter hat was already a bonus. Xuan asked if he was behaving the same. The father’s answer was awesome. “God is great, god is fair, he gives us an easygoing one, making us believe that children are wonderful. There comes the second which is testing our patience a bit, and comes the no. 3 who absolutely challenges us, waking up in the middle of the night and having her own strong opinion. I guess if the first one is fussy, we wouldn’t have the no.2 and no. 3 sooner.” Albeit kayu, I have to say that their father is absolutely funny.

Hunting a new learning centre

Upon returning home, we got news that Xuan and Cheng’s kindergarten will be closed down and merged with another branch which is quite a distance to us. No matter how upset we are, this day has come and the job of scouting around a new kindergarten and daycare centre begins immediately. Sometimes I do not understand how parents can or are willing to pay for their children’s education. But everyone is different. There, we made some comparisons to find that the difference can actually fund one adult’s airfare ticket on holiday and we are still thinking whether we can take the bet.

Getting older

Feeling funny, emo and old looking at these pics. You are growing up too fast!! 

想家吗？

布达佩斯真置金秋时节。公园里一望无际的金黄色，美丽如画。这座城市充满活力，不愧是东欧的巴黎。只是天气太冷了，我都不想呆在屋外。这一趟旅行，问了孩子以后想不想在外念书、工作等。看起来奕炫最想家。他说他选马来西亚，还要跟我们一起住。我说好吧，等你们大了，各自长翅高飞，请许我和爸爸一点空间，让我们去走走透气。他说好，他会请假陪我们。弟弟说他会选择扎科帕内，因为他喜欢那里会下雪。我问，那你不想我们了吗？他说，不想了，你跟爸爸老了，应该不会在人世了，所以我住扎科帕内，没有牵挂。

波兰：低调的华丽

从布达佩斯搭夜车到克拉科夫，2天2夜在这老城里，我和老公竟然觉得时间很不够用。真的还没好好沉浸在这老旧和忧伤的世界里，我们就往下一站去。来到了扎科帕内，这个波兰的冬季首都，我们趁着阳光明媚，去了一趟海洋之眼。第二天，老天不负小瓜们的请求，下了一场雪，白雪纷飞，小瓜们玩得很兴奋。还要把雪团装在盒子里，带回房间。只是妹妹还小，不知道玩雪的乐趣。这一趟波兰之旅应该告一段落，下一次，如果还有下一次，应该会很遥远。