Few weeks ago, I told my friends that I almost lost faith to be put in such a situation whether I should carry on with my pregnancy or immediately go for the D&C. I had never wished for a miracle but the procedure was the last choice that I wished I could have. And I was in a dilemma to make a choice. Now that everything has passed, I thought I have let it go. I thought I was doing good until I dreamt about my angel in heaven.
I'm always wondering why god chose us and why did the angel come to my family? Because of love, I know, he wanted to love and to be loved and the god thought my family were able to provide enough for him. Somewhere in between, it did not happen. Why? Probably because the creator felt hubby and I were not ready to have him. Or maybe our karma of cause and effect, either good or bad, was not matured enough to bring him here to this family. The angel did not come eventually. It is sad, isn't it? But I'm open for that. I have restored my faith for that.
However, at the back of my mind, I'm still sad when Xuan and Cheng are playing happily and cuddling me. Somewhere above us, the angel is watching. He is alone and probably lonely. He was once given a chance to join and be merry with us.
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