When the tough gets tougher

It was never once my idea to tandem feed my sons. But I had rather put so much hope, had been so much influenced by other friends when they said the elder would naturally wean themselves off when the newborns arrived. So I have experienced that. In my case, it din happen which is too bad. I'm tandem nursing my kids. Good thing is I haven't lost my sanity, just yet. But looking at how xuan wakes up and asks for milk, I will be going nuts soon. I remember the first nite I came back from hospital, hubby took xuan to bed. He cried in the middle of the nite, he was looking for me. I had been away for few nites, my family took him to bed, they survived and in fact did it quite well. When he cried, both my mil and mum were worried and thought that a kid shouldn't cry or wail for too long, so they asked hubby to take xuan to me. That nite I nursed him to sleep. And I was weeping too. My confinement lady who was co sleeping with me consoled me, she said it was just a phase. Little did she know that I wept cuz I never thought the Friday nite before I went into labour was the last nite for me and him. I was sad that I hadn't really said good bye to breastfeeding him. It might be too abrupt for him to accept that he could no longer latch on me and had to make way for his little brother. I felt really sorry for making him to go thru this. But at the same time, I knew it is not easy to tandem feed both. I'm really hoping and praying hard that he can naturally wean himself. This day is so hard to come by. I recall the first latch he had at the hospital, the aversion he had after bottle feeding was introduced, my persistence to try and my hubby's support, we have come a long way. 21 months should be good enough for us. But why is it hard to say good bye?