on being grateful: thank you everyone!!

since last week, my husband and i have been facing some tremendous changes in life. everything seems new for us to learn and catch up. we have got our first baby on the 4th. wiv this, we thank god for his blessing, for entrusting us a soul to raise. we pray that we will be a good and loving parent to teach our precious one love and respect. our wish for him is, to be safe, healthy and happy always.

"thank you uncle for taking so many pics of me." every shot is simply too precious and memorable for us.

these days are tough for me, very much. i have been emotionally unstable despite family and friends come visit me. i couldnt be more thankful for all the kind gestures they show me. but i also feel helpless that im not able to breastfeed my baby. to my family who love me so much, they are worried about me that they see me crying countless times. im doing good in my recovery, no worries, but i just cant help feeling rejected that baby refuses to latch on and suck my breasts. i think im dealt a major blow in life. he has got nipple confusion and is very impatient when he is hungry. i have been a bad mother since then that i cant bring myself to see him crying, so i surrender to formula milk. now, he has become a cow baby. in fact, i still try my best to manually express milk every 2-3 hours and bottle feed him. the supply is not much and will slowly go off when the baby doesnt suck, but everyday i pray that my supply can last a little longer.

apart from breastfeeding, everything is picking up for me. i feel safe when mama is around, but i cant be so selfish to keep her wiv me all the times. there is another person in life that i owe a great debt of gratitude of. at young age, i told her my labor experience, when she is supposed to go out and have fun wiv friends, her time is occupied by me. she has to send me to clinic, do laundry and buy groceries for me. i always feel sorry for her. i hope i will be there for her one day, when she is in need. my mil keeps telling me that when my baby is celebrating his full moon, i should give her a big angpao. another one who grew up together wiv me also purposely flew in to see me. she knows im going thru a hard time so she wants me to be strong, she bought me things so that i can pamper myself. i feel blessed to have them, but i cant let go of the thought that my baby still refuses to suck my breasts.

last nite, my husband flew to sweden, left on a short notice again. he said father's support is very important during pregnancy, labor and also confinement. for that purpose, he thinks that im very upset wiv life that i have to cope up wiv big changes, so he has shortened his trip and promised to come back this weekend. again, it makes me feel even more guilty and sorry.

 im uploading these pics, in case you miss him so much. daddy's boy.

to my family and friends, im sorry if i ever fail you, again. but as i promise, things are picking up... may god bless you always!!